My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
