you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
