Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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