the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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