I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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