I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
