Tell her she can't have a vagina
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
