There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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