drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
