Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
