Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
