He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
