Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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