1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
