Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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