Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
