I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize