i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
