her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
