Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
