i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
