I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
