So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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