Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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