I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
