If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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