I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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