What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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