My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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