Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
