Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize