Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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