someone threw a dead crab at me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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