i just had sex bonerless
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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