yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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