i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
