Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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