i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
