I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
