Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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