Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
