i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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