I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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