How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
