I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Randomize
