what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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