worst night to have a conscience
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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