Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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