i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
