Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
