Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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