goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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