you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
