I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
