Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
