Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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