every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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