Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
