Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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