i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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