Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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