Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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