So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
