how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
