i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
