You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize