I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
