I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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