Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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